Post by 2mb - Innocent Kid on Nov 30, 2004 22:35:56 GMT 5
BOY : May I hold your hand?
>GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
>GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
>BOY : You love me...
>GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
>BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
>GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
>BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
>GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
>BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
>SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
>TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his
>mouth.
>MAN : You remind me of the sea.
>WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
>MAN : NO, because you make me sick.
>WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in! one ear and comes out
>of the other.
>HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes
>out of the mouth.
>MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
>Peter?
>PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
>Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
>Pupil : "The moon".
>Teacher : "Why?"
>Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the
>sun gives us light only in the
> day time when we don't need it".
>Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when
>people are no longer interested?"
>Pupil : "A teacher".
>Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
>Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
>My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
>Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
>Sam : "It's a family tradition".
>Teacher : "What do you mean?"
>Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
>Teacher : "What about your mother?"
>Sam : "She's a woman".
>Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and
>stopped him, what virtue would I
> be showing?"
>Student : "Brotherly love".
>Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before
>eating?"
>Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
>Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
>octor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of
>ten people die of the
> disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've
>treated. The others all died".
>Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
>Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and
> at the same time."
>Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's
>Cherry tree, but also admitted
> doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't
>punish him ?"
>Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
>Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
>Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at
>your picture and the problem disappears.
>Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
>Hubby : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself,"What other
>problem can there be greater than this one?"
>Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries,
>troubles and lighten your burden
>Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or
>troubles.
>Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
>Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to
>give up my seat to a lady.
>Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
>Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
>A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my
>father hadn't left me a fortune?"
>"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER
>WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
>Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
>Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
>"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.
>"Terrible!" the roommate answered.
>"He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."
>Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?"
>"He was the original owner."
>A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
>"My father grows beans," said one student.
>"My father cooks beans," said another.
>Then little Johnny spoke up : "We are all human beans."
>Interviewer to Millionaire : To whom do you owe your success as a
>millionaire?"
>Millionaire : "I owe everything to my wife."
>Interviewer : "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before
>you married her?"
>Millionaire : "A Billionaire"
>GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
>GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
>BOY : You love me...
>GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
>BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
>GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
>BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
>GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
>BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
>SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
>TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his
>mouth.
>MAN : You remind me of the sea.
>WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
>MAN : NO, because you make me sick.
>WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in! one ear and comes out
>of the other.
>HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes
>out of the mouth.
>MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
>Peter?
>PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
>Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
>Pupil : "The moon".
>Teacher : "Why?"
>Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the
>sun gives us light only in the
> day time when we don't need it".
>Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when
>people are no longer interested?"
>Pupil : "A teacher".
>Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
>Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
>My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
>Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
>Sam : "It's a family tradition".
>Teacher : "What do you mean?"
>Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
>Teacher : "What about your mother?"
>Sam : "She's a woman".
>Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and
>stopped him, what virtue would I
> be showing?"
>Student : "Brotherly love".
>Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before
>eating?"
>Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
>Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
>octor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of
>ten people die of the
> disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've
>treated. The others all died".
>Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
>Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and
> at the same time."
>Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's
>Cherry tree, but also admitted
> doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't
>punish him ?"
>Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
>Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
>Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at
>your picture and the problem disappears.
>Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
>Hubby : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself,"What other
>problem can there be greater than this one?"
>Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries,
>troubles and lighten your burden
>Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or
>troubles.
>Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
>Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to
>give up my seat to a lady.
>Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
>Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
>A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my
>father hadn't left me a fortune?"
>"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER
>WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
>Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
>Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
>"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.
>"Terrible!" the roommate answered.
>"He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."
>Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?"
>"He was the original owner."
>A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
>"My father grows beans," said one student.
>"My father cooks beans," said another.
>Then little Johnny spoke up : "We are all human beans."
>Interviewer to Millionaire : To whom do you owe your success as a
>millionaire?"
>Millionaire : "I owe everything to my wife."
>Interviewer : "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before
>you married her?"
>Millionaire : "A Billionaire"